The Grass is Always Greener….

It’s funny, I will be the first to CONSTANTLY complain that I am bored, have nothing to do, wish I did more, etc., but this summer has been one event after another. I can’t remember a weekend where something was not going on for Kalen and myself, and I found myself wishing that I had nothing to do. Our time is pretty well spoken for until sometime in October too. A birthday party, a wedding, another wedding, another birthday, a free weekend unless I do a craft show, another birthday, and then freedom until two craft shows in November. All this seems insane to me. We usually have nothing going on, hence my constant whining, but now….I just want to relax haha.

The semester is off to a decent but boring start. My classes aren’t bad, although two aren’t particularly exciting to me, but what can you do? Of course, my sleep schedule is BEYOND screwed up right now. 4 am and I feel wide awake (and no, I’m not sitting here chugging caffeine either). I really should attempt to pull an all nighter and try to regulate myself. Of course, it always happens that I do get tired, and then I stay screwed up. Having 4 of my 5 classes online doesn’t help me in this either, since I don’t need to be anywhere. The one class I do attend starts at 2 so I don’t have to worry about being up bright and early. Oops. ;)

Just a short update this time. Well, most times. Enjoy. ;)

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I Specialize in Finding Excuses

I’m already back to my old ways. You know, putting off homework and note taking and studying until the last minute. The semester has been going on for 4 days. That’s skill, even for me.

I keep finding excuses to avoid doing what I need to be doing. A huge one is that my desk/study area was NOT organized. All my stuff was spread out. So, I’ve been working on getting it organized and set up. I had a little Sterilite 3 drawer cart downstairs in my craft area (that I don’t use as there’s nothing there to entertain me), so I brought it up and put in highlighters, Post Its, notecards, pencils, sharpeners, bookmarks, paperclips, and some erasers. I already have pens in a cup on the desk that Kalen and I both use, and I have some Staedtler pens (the triplus fineliners) in the case they come in set up. Now if only my keyboard was smaller and I could fit all my stuff on the desk without having to rehome that each time I needed to do something, I’d be great.

Our office/media room is a freaking mess right now. I stashed my jewelry stuff differently, so they’re in mini crates on a table…behind my unused elliptical (oops!). But the couch is covered with books, papers, random stuff, and a bag of crocheted cowls that I haven’t put away after the last farmer’s market I did. Next to the desk (my side) is another pile of random stuff, a few items that were knocked off my makeup table (that’s next to the desk, fyi), and a bin of yarn that has random stuff collected on it. haha. It’s…well, it’s awful. It’s a huge distraction too. So, I KNOW that if I get it straightened and cleaned up, I’ll be able to focus better. I’m not claiming to be the tidiest soul out there, but I dislike mess. You’d think that would mean I’d clean more often, and you’d be undeniably wrong. So, my mission is to straighten stuff up. I don’t need it to sparkle and shine and be magazine or Pinterest worthy, but I need it to be less of a distraction.

Also, proof that my room is awful. The other day I pulled down a bag of M&Ms (unopened) from our bookshelf that holds our movies (what, you don’t keep food there?), and another bag came with it. A Ziploc bag. With some Oreos. Not the regular kind, or the golden, but what I think were one of their special flavors. I don’t know what they were because I didn’t eat them. I think the mother-in-law bought them, and disliked them, but Kalen had eaten some. And they sat there, unnoticed, because they were hidden. I’m disgusted with myself, not gonna lie.

Anyway, it’s 4:30am in my neck of the woods, and I’ve yet to sleep. I’m still watching Supernatural like I’m being paid to watch it (just about finished with season 8). I guess I should go lay next to my husband for a little bit before he gets up to go to work, and I spend a few hours sleeping. :)

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We All Need Somebody to Lean On

It’s true, the title. We do. We may act as if we don’t need anyone, but we do. I crave relationships. Friends, family…I want to be close to them. And I’m not. It’s weird, how dejected I feel. I have Kalen, thankfully, but most of the time I feel so damn alone that I don’t know what to do with myself. I sit up late, alone, and I cry. I marathon watch shows. People marvel at how quickly I get through them, but the truth is they are the only things keeping me sane most of the time.

I see people who are best friends with their siblings and cousins…and I don’t have that. Trying to see them is like pulling teeth. They don’t seem to want anything to do with me. I’m not entirely sure why, but that’s how it feels to me. I feel like I’m watching from the sidelines. I feel like my absence wouldn’t be noticed. I don’t mean this in a suicidal way. I’d never break Kalen’s heart that way. But I’m miserable. I’m unwanted. Or, that’s how I’m feeling.

It’s funny. I remember when my sister got her last job, my Mom said she’d take her to dinner to celebrate. When I had gotten a new job in 2011 (brief though it was), that offer wasn’t made to me. When I started school, nothing. Now that I’ve been accepted into a really good nursing program? They barely acknowledge that. It’s as if my accomplishments don’t matter. I was kicked out of the house. Sister gets to stay. They like her more. They always have. If I didn’t call them, I’d probably never hear from them.

I’m just left out. Everyone is in my cousin’s wedding except me. She said it’s because she wasn’t in mine (except I only had my sister), but she picked out her bridesmaids before my wedding was a thought, so that isn’t it.

I will see my friends all hanging out with each other. I’m never included. It sucks. It hurts. Your family and friends are supposed to be there for you, and I feel more alone than ever.

I guess it’s a good thing that they don’t want me around. It will give me time to study, right?

Fall Semester 2014

Well, the semester is starting! The first day is actually Monday, but let’s face it: My summer has come to end. Womp womp womp.

However, I have 4 online classes (2 are 8 week courses, and tie into each other so it’s more like 3), and then I have 1 nursing class. Because yes, I am in the nursing program! That class is for 8 weeks too, once a week. I had been in Thursday’s section, but today at our clinical orientation, my friend asked the advisor if there were open slots in the Monday section she’s in, and there were, and I switched! So, that is a HUGE plus!!!

I only briefly mentioned it once before, I think, but yes, I was officially offered a slot in the nursing program at the school I’d applied to. I am excited. I had orientation for that, for being a transfer student, and now for hospital clinical rotations. I plan on being involved, because I want to do as well as possible and have as much support as I can get. September 8th is the first meeting of the nursing club, and I plan on going to that. As I said, I want to be involved. This class will be relatively easy, but I plan on participating in study groups as I move further into the program. I’m so happy to be in the final steps of this journey.

Oh, and in other news, I’ve been watching Supernatural like a fiend. Love it!

My Happily Ever After

It never fails. Each night my amazing husband Kalen goes to bed before me. He works, I don’t. He goes to bed early, and sometimes I feel lonely. I’m a night owl by genetics (my Dad was one, and my sister is too). It’s not unheard of for me to go to bed after he’s left for work. I hate it, but try as I might, I cannot get into a normal habit of sleep.

So each night when 10pm rolls around and Kalen got to our bedroom to read before he sleeps, I am left alone (unless I join him, which is rare). It’s hard to be angry though, because this guy is a real life Prince Charming.

No seriously.

He goes to work Monday through Friday (and the first Saturday of each month). He’s salaried so those times he works over, goes in early, or works those Saturdays and goes over 40 hours a week? Yeah, those aren’t time and a half. He loves his job though. He does this and it allows me to be covered by his health insurance (as a diabetic with what is turning into a mysteriously chronic chest pain, this is a necessity). He pays for any doctor visits or medications I might need (this includes two specialists in a row and dental work). He pays my car payment on a brand new car (well, brand new in March, but I’m under 5,000 miles!). He pays for the car insurance on that brand new car. He fills my gas tank. He’s paying my doctor bills from my February hospital stay. He gives me money to go shopping. He washes the laundry. He helps out immensely around the house. Just this weekend we stayed in Racine for the weekend in a suite on the lake, with a view of the lake that included two nights of fireworks being set off on a barge. He took me to two nice restaurants (we’re talking over $100 one night and almost $100 the next for the two of us to eat and drink). He made sure I had snacks for the hotel room.

And now, we’re trying to sock away as much money as possible so we can buy a new house sooner, rather than later. I have 4 years of nursing school ahead of me. That means I won’t be working for 4+ years. So rather than wait, he’s saving as much as he can now to get us a home sooner.

So when I do finally go to bed at night, I look over at him. He’s usually hogging the bed AND the king size comforter. He’s almost always snoring. But I look at him, and I just have this overwhelming sense of love and pride. That’s right, I’m proud of my husband. He’s incredibly smart, he’s generous, he’s hard working, and he’s dedicated. He works full time and goes to school full time.

When I lay down next to him, finally, he reaches for my hand and takes it in his, and I fall asleep holding his hand. Like I said, he’s amazing. I should praise him all the time, but today….I just felt I had to share WHY he’s so dang amazing. ♥

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Social Butterfly

There is nothing better than good times spent with friends. Tonight we went to dinner with Ryan, Brittany, and their hilarious and adorable daughter (who turns 1 tomorrow!). And it was so nice to reconnect, and just have a good time. The only friends we really see often are Shauna and David. Not that we don’t have others, but those are the two we see the most, followed by Misty and Renee (when at Shauna and David’s lol).

I used to always be with friends. At one of our homes, hanging out, or out to eat (or the bar, 21+, but not drinking alcohol really). It was a fun time for me. I like being with people and chatting. It is something that makes me happy. So it’s not especially fun when we’re not with friends or we go a period of time not seeing any.

I’m the more social of the two of us. I think Kalen would be perfectly happy to never have to socialize. Unfortunately for HIM, he married a person who craves socializing, so he has to do it, by default. ;)

Saturday we’ll have Abby’s birthday party and then afterwards we’ll most likely go to see Sammi and possibly Tim, if he’s not working. She’s off all weekend-yay!!! It was so nice to have everyone at my Bachelorette/Bachelor party that my sister surprised us with (that I forgot to mention in the last post), and now I wish Kalen and I had the ability to host everyone and have cookouts, bonfires, and game nights often. Oh how happy I’ll be when that day finally comes!

We’re still playing catch-up on all our TV shows. It’s funny just how many we watch and I didn’t realize it. Or sad, depending on how you look at it. I wish we could cut down, and I know we technically could, but there are just so many that we both enjoy together and on our own. So, it’s hard to cut down on them, when we find them all so interesting. Right now we’re catching up on The Americans together, and I’m catching up on Reign (which had the “orchestra” or band or whatever playing Lorde’s song, whatever the first single was, at a dance….because it was a huge hit around the time of Mary Queen of Scots and all).

Are you like me, and crave socializing, or like Kalen?

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The End of May and the Beginning of Summer

Ah, friends, I’ve been gone far too long! Do I have excuses? You betcha! Wedding, school, and vacation. Are they acceptable? No. I’m not trying to find some crazy blog fame, but I do enjoy the relationship I’ve developed with other bloggers through commenting and interactions, and I’d like to develop those with readers of my blog. My last real entry was in March. How crazy! I did a wedding picture post, but that was it. So, I offer my apologies. I cannot expect this little blog to grow if I’m always absent from it.

On that note, let’s catch up! A lot has happened over here, namely a wedding! I am really thrilled to call Kalen my husband, and I am just so thankful for every single day spent with him. He’s so good to me, and for me. I dated a LOT of losers before him, and now I have the best guy ever, in my eyes. He’s good to my family and friends too, which is hugely important. Past boyfriends were not. They were selfish and treated me like dirt. I’m so glad I have Kalen. Plus, I think he’s pretty sexy. You can disagree, I won’t mind.

The semester ended, thankfully. I was sick through most of it, which landed me a C in one class due to having been sick and missing two of the classes (it met once a week, we had a test each week and did two labs, so I missed two days of all that…yay), but I had A’s (high A’s too!) in my three other classes. I would have had a B in the other class had I not missed. I really enjoyed it though, and if it came to it and I had to retake it, I’d definitely take it with the same professor. She was just the greatest!

The day after Mother’s Day Kalen and I drove straight through to Texas. Fifteen hours of sitting in a car (minus bathroom breaks), driving. The best part? Oh, the 7 hours of a severe storm we had to drive through! Yeah, that was a real thrill. Kalen, bless, drove the entire way because we stupidly got McDonald’s for breakfast. My ailing stomach cannot handle such foods and I was sick. I was actually sick most of the time there. I think a large part was that we ate out a lot. It takes me awhile to recover from such things. Stupid innards. It was fun though. Like I said, we ate out a lot. We went to the Scarborough Renaissance Faire, went shopping, and swam. While we were there, swimming, it was snowing back home (just one day, but still!). It’s so nice down there. But, it got hot at the end and our room was really warm. I told Kalen I’m bringing my floor fan next time LOL.

Now we’re home, and just relaxing. He has work, of course, but neither of us have school. We’ve been catching up on TV shows, and I went through some clothes that I needed to organize. I have far more clothes than I need, so I don’t quite have the room necessary for them. I also need to organize my makeup area (need a bigger area…haha), and go through other things just to purge stuff.

A big thing I’m going to do this summer is make more jewelry! I sold a pair of earrings the other day, and the buyer FINALLY left a review! No one has bothered before (which I think is kind of rude). I want reviews so I can make my shop as best as possible. I can’t do that if no one leaves one lol. I did set up a Facebook page too, so that friends can buy directly from me if they aren’t fans of Etsy. I’d love to be able to have this shop take off and do well. I enjoy making the things.

And now, it’s time to go to dinner with Brittany and Ryan (and Abby!). Summer is off to a good start.

I Did, I Do, & I Always Will

So, I am officially a wife!!! I’ll be honest, it doesn’t feel much different. I mean, we live together, with his Mom. If we had our own place, it might be different. I guess we’ll find out when that day comes!

I wanted to share some pictures though, the few that I have! The photographer took beautiful pictures!

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And quite frankly, so did everyone else!!!

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Fun fact: The cross necklace I’m wearing contains my Gma’s ashes. The ring was the ring my Dad gave to my Mom. So, in a way, they were both there. ♥

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Whew! I’m sorry dear friends, for being QUITE neglectful of this little corner of the blogisphere! I guess the time got away from me.

Today happens to be the two-year anniversary of my dear Gma’s death. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss her desperately. Today also happens to be the day that my Aunt Elsie flew into town for my wedding! We picked her up at the airport this morning (well, her flight landed at 11:45) and then I spent the day over there. I’m so happy she’s here. Like, beyond happy.

Tomorrow is the rehearsal for my wedding. EEP! I cannot believe that the day is almost here, or how dang fast it went by! It seems like just yesterday I was in the hospital, and Kalen was finding out he even got the job. Then we decided to go to the courthouse so I’d be insured. Well, the courthouse turned into a full blown ceremony, and here we are! Everything fell wonderfully into place.

Tomorrow will be spent getting manicures and pedicures, rehearsing, and then having dinner afterwards. And Saturday is when all my dreams come true. ♥

I’ll be sure to share pictures once I have some, and fill you all in on the big day. I’m so stinking excited! To be marrying my best friend, soul mate, and God’s gift to me…I’m so blessed.



Hard Times & Keeping Our Faith


Recently, I’ve been reading through the book of Job. Poor Job, who was basically tormented so God could prove he was faithful.

How many of us can say that we’d have remained as faithful as Job in that situation? If our livelihood and families were decimated, would we still remain faithful to the Lord?

I’d like to say that I would, but until I’ve been put in that situation (and I pray I never am!), how can I know for sure? How can I know that I won’t turn my back on my Heavenly Father?

I can’t, because only the Lord knows how faithful I’ll remain, and only he can help me keep my faith.

There are so many verses in Job that are just so…inspirational, and I’m only thirteen chapters in! I’m doing a nice and slow reading plan for the year, which is going at a much happier pace than the ninety-day plan I did two years ago. It’s been incredibly refreshing to read Job. When I was fourteen and my father passed away, it was hard for me to accept that this was God’s will. I had a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that he took my father from me, but murderers were still living. It wasn’t easy, but I realized that it wasn’t done to spite me. It was just his time. I don’t know how I’d have turned out if my Dad had lived. I’m almost twenty-nine now, and for the most part, I like how I am. I have areas to work on, but don’t we all? But, if my Dad were here, would I like more areas, or less? Would I be totally different?

So, I thought I’d share a few of the verses that I wrote down in the notebook where I’m keeping track of the verses that “speak to me.” It’s been refreshing, to do that, to read daily, and to write my prayers down daily. If you find you are having problems praying, try journaling your prayers. It’s been wonderful for me.

“He does great things too marvelous to understand. He performs countless miracles.” -Job 5:9

“But consider the joy of those corrected by God! Do not despise the discipline of the Almighty when you sin.” -Job 5:17

“At least I can take comfort in this: Despite the pain, I have no denied the words of the Holy One.” -Job 6:10

“But if you pray to God and seek the favor of the Almighty, and if you are pure and live with integrity, he will surely rise up and restore your happy home.” -Job 8:5-6

“Should I remain silent while you babble on? When you mock God, shouldn’t someone make you ashamed?” -Job 11:3

“If only you would prepare your heart and lift up your hands to him in prayer! Get rid of your sins, and leave all iniquity behind you. Then your face will brighten with innocence. You will be strong and free of fear.” -Job 11:13-15

Are there any verses from Job that inspire you? I have plenty more written down, but I didn’t want to post them all. I hope this was encouraging for some of you.

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